Archive for the ‘fuck if I know’ Category

Take A Look At This Whiney Brit That Bought A Picture Of An XBOX 1 On EBAY For $750

December 5, 2013


IGN:  Nottingham, UK resident Peter Clatworthy, 19, mistakenly purchased a photo of an Xbox One via eBay in an unfortunate seller scam. He spent £450 (nearly $750) expecting to receive a Day One Edition, but instead received a faded, printed photo of the console’s box.

Clatworthy told the Nottingham Post the seller had “written on the back of it, ‘thank you for your purchase.’ I was fuming.” As a regular user of the auction site, Clatworthy didn’t expect the seller — whose feedback was universally positive, which is reassuring for potential buyers — to mislead him. “”It said ‘photo’ and I was in two minds, but I looked at the description and the fact it was in the right category made me think it was genuine.”

“”It said ‘photo””  Case fucking closed dummy.  You knew before you bid that it was just a photo…what, did you magically hope the picture would materialize into a real Xbox during shipping?  It says in plain english…wait, they still speak english over there right?  I only ask because they use some weird “L” looking thing before their dollar amounts and they constantly get the amount wrong…I know this because an editor ALWAYS comes in later and corrects them…in this case adding (nearly $750)…I don’t get why the editor doesn’t remove the original mistake but I’m assuming it’s to spare the authors feelings…funny country.  Anyway back to dumb fuck.  It says it’s a photo…I don’t care if it’s in the home and gardening category, photo means photo.  So to complain after receiving what is inarguably a tremendous looking picture I feel is a bit disingenuous and not in the spirit of Ebay.  Quite frankly I am appalled at Peter’s behavior.


Does This Look Like The Face Of A Man Chased Through A Kohl’s By A Topless Woman Who Caught Him Peeping On Her In The Dressing Room?

December 5, 2013


TheBlazeA Kansas woman had her privacy violated while trying on clothes in a Kohl’s dressing room this week — and she wasn’t about to just let it go.

Jeanne Ouellette says she caught a peeping Tom videotaping her with his cellphone through a gap in the wall of the dressing room. Rather than freezing in horror, the topless woman instead chased after the man.

Ouellette told KCTV that she followed the creep, shouting “Stop! Help me!” along the way.

“I just screamed and chased him topless through the store. I know I shouldn’t be chasing someone … I was just enraged. I was at a store in a very private place, and I was enraged and I wanted to get the phone,” she added.

Ok we all know peeping toms are gonna peep and Jeremy Bradley here looks like one victorious peeping tom.  He started this venture hoping to just see some stationary titties through a small crack in the wall, what he got was bouncing titties on full display.  We call that an upgrade in the business.  How about the balls on Jeanne though? And by balls I mean elevated sense of self…she chased him because she wanted to get the phone back…umm…why?  What did she think Jeremy was going to do with the video?  Upload it to facebook or vimeo or vine or something?? Listen Jeanne, there is a code amongst us, I mean them, peeping toms, we (FUCK!) THEY don’t share this shit.  This would have stayed exclusively in Jeremy’s personal jerk off stash, and c’mon how do you say no to a smile like that?  Let him bust to your tits, trust me he’s the only one who wants to see them.

Screen shot 2013-12-05 at 1.53.49 PM

nice lazy eye…didn’t know KFC had a twin sister

The Loon’s Top 5 Winter Drinks

December 5, 2013



ChicagoTribune:  Just after 1 a.m. on a recent chilly Friday, I’m seated at the center of a gorgeous parquet bar counter, perusing a collection of rare, decades-old spirits. And I’m sipping a cocktail through a jumbo, candy-striped straw stuck into a frosted milk bottle.

Such is the dichotomy of an evening spent at Logan Square’s Billy Sunday, the precise-yet-not-stuffy neighborhood bar from Matthias Merges. The bar feels equally at home serving an adult take on milk and cookies as it is exploring the subtle variations of Italy’s fernet producers of the last century.

NOPE! Sorry to Chicago’s Billy Sunday but they are WAY over thinking the winter adult beverage.  You don’t need gimmicks like frosted milk bottles and candy striped straws.  Sure maybe The Box Lunch is a great tasting drink, who’s to say?  But when the weather is frigid and the days are short these are the only 5 drinks you’ll need to hibernate with until spring.

5.  The Hot Toddy (Made With Crown Royal Only)

hot toddy


Gay name, delicious drink.  The Hot Toddy should be an absolute staple of winter drinking.  It’s the perfect after dinner drink or breakfast drink, it’s a versatile mother fucker.  Has all the great holiday spices like cinnamon and nutmeg and it’s hot so it’s perfect in cold weather.  Only draw back to the Toddy is can you really see yourself downing 10 of them during a night out?  Of course you can’t, you probably can’t even see yourself ordering one…but made at home watching a bowl game there are few things better.




NY E-Cig Smokers Not Going Down Without A Fight!!

December 5, 2013



NYPost:  Vape ’em if you got ’em.

Smokers opposed to a proposal to snuff electronic cigarettes from public places filled a City Council hearing room Wednesday and puffed away.

With no law on the books to prevent them from electronically lighting up at City Hall or anyplace else, protesters defiantly powered up at the seat of city government, making their point under a cloud of vapor smoke.

“The facts are that this isn’t smoking,” said Jesse Gaddis, a representative from Brooklyn-based Bedford Slims, an e-cigarette company, as he exhaled wasps of white mist during his testimony. “This is vapor.”

I started smoking Parliament Lights when I was 12 and I was smoking a pack a day by the time I was 16,” said Illona Orshansky, 29, of Fort Greene, who owns Vapor Lounge NY in Williamsburg. “I quit 10 months ago. I vape a tobacco flavor. It tastes like a Parliament.”

“E-cigarettes have the potential to be a public health miracle,” said Dr. Gilbert Ross, executive director of the American Council on Science and Health.

He cautioned that banning e-cigs could encourage people to go back to real cigarettes.

Lot of blogs about smoking today.  Well this one will be short, but what citizens in LA took laying down with no lube the good people of NY are dishing back at these fucking out of touch legislators.  Just storming city hall filling the chamber with vapor right in the council’s face.  Love it.  And as a parliament light smoker myself I need to know what Illona is vaping and I needed to know yesterday.  My main problem with E-Cigs is that I hate the tobacco flavored ones, so I usually go with something fruity (just like me) like grape or vanilla or something.  If I can find an e-cig that tastes like a p-funk then I’m outta the regular ciggy game tomorrow.

Realistically though NY will pass this ban just like LA because regular citizens have zero power anymore in America.

Oh and Ms. Flash Vapor with the green hair up there?  Nope

CNN With Another Hard Hitting Story

December 5, 2013


I’m not even going to post an excerpt from the article because that’s not what this rant is going to be about.  This rant is about the utter meaninglessness of this story.  If the answer to the headline is yes then…what?  Like what’s gonna happen if they find out pot smoking gives you bitch tits?  All of a sudden are pot heads gonna realize that sitting around stoned and eating 30 packs of gushers might pack on a few pounds?  They already know that, they don’t care!  And if the answer is no then CNN just put up this article to get clicks because they know when people see the word “pot” they take notice.  I didn’t read the article but I would respect CNN a hell of a lot more if the answer was no and they were just trolling for pageviews.  One of my favorite bloggers does that literally every day, and it would be nice to see a major news operation having to resort to trolling its readers to get traffic.  It brings them down to our level, they are just whores like the rest of us, doing anything for that dollar.

Something else that really gets under my skin is the holier than thou opinion journalists have of themselves.  And this isn’t limited to news, it’s true in sports and entertainment reporting as well.  If you want an example of just what I’m talking about follow Omar Kelly on twitter (@OmarKelly) just do it for one day.  He’s the Miami Dolphins beat writer for the Sun-Sentinel.  Mother fucker takes his job WAY too seriously, like to the point where I think he thinks he’s directly responsible for how well the team plays.  He’s just one example, there are many others.  Point is these people think their jobs are life and death important, obviously news journalists are the worst because they have to cover wars and genocides and shit, but they still think they are directly affecting world events.  Maybe on rare occasions they do, but for the most part they are just informing dumb regular everyday people about stuff they have nothing to do with and that doesn’t change their lives at all.  So when I see stories like the one above it reminds me that no matter how important these news organizations think they are, they are just the same despicable bottom feeders like the rest of us.

P.S. Just a couple of Omar’s latest tweets acting like a self-righteous douche bag



yeah Omar, I’ll do my time because your acknowledgment means so much to me…..yuck….

Los Angeles Now Treating E-Cigs Like Heroin

December 5, 2013



LATimes:  Calling it a potential health risk and a gateway to tobacco use, the Los Angeles City Council on Wednesday voted unanimously to regulate the sales of e-cigarettes and other “vaping” devices.

The new law puts electronic smoking devices in the same category as tobacco products, subjecting their sales to the same restrictions. It bans sales from street kiosks, ice cream trucks and self-service displays, and requires retailers to obtain a license before selling the products.

Parallel legislation under city consideration would ban the use of e-cigarettes in the same places that tobacco is prohibited, including restaurants and parks. Sales of e-cigarettes to minors are already banned under state law, and 59 California counties and cities, including Glendale and Burbank, require a license to sell e-cigarettes.

The nanny state strikes again!!  Jesus salsa dancing christ California (I’m gonna pretend this is the entire state and not just LA for the sake of ranting) you really just have to regulate everything to dust huh?  Got to get your hands in every pot, forcing business to buy licenses to sell e-cigs has nothing to do with protecting children from this harmful “gateway” whatever you claim it is…it has all to do with milking the public for more money.  Electronic cigarettes are already banned for minors so WTF?  I’m moving to your liberal utopia one way or another soon and I’m afraid you’re not laying out the best welcome mat.  E-Cigs are the only thing that’s gonna get me to stop smoking real cigs and if I can’t buy them from my local ice cream truck on my saturday afternoons of children watching then I’m just going to have to stick to the real thing and die a horrible, slow, black lunged death.  Is that what you want?? The whole appeal of e-cigs is that you don’t have to get up and leave the room if you want your nicotine fix, so banning them from restaurants or parks just means I might as well continue to smoke the good shit.

Also lets talk about the whole “no cigs in parks” thing.  Now, I get no cigarettes in crowded restaurants where everyone is breathing the same recycled air and on planes and even bars, but parks?  Literally the most fresh air filled places on earth.  You exhale a nice cloud of smoke in a park it’s gone in, I dunno, instantly?  If you’re close enough to someone in a park where they are bothered by your cigarette smoke you are either murdering them or raping them, and then they have bigger problems than a little second hand.  Just ban tobacco in one sweeping piece of legislation, this slippery slope shit is maddening.

P.S. As a smoker one of my biggest pet peeves (hate using that term) is when I’m outside of the bar having a smoke and someone walks by on the street and fake coughs as they pass like I’m intentionally putting their life in danger.  Hey fuck face, you voted me out here, I would be perfectly happy having this smoke in the nice warm bar.  But no, you had to check “yes” on state resolution 1-2-blah-fuckyou and now I HAVE to be out here.  Didn’t think that one through did ya?  So now I’m gonna be the scourge of the sidewalk blowing my harmful carcinogens in the faces of toddlers and the elderly.

“Celebrity” Chef Nigella Lawson Admits To Using Cocaine

December 4, 2013

Nigella Lawson

NYPostCelebrity chef Nigella Lawson admitted using cocaine seven times — but branded allegations that she was an addict who abused the drug daily as “absolutely ridiculous.’’

The TV star and cookbook officer testified in a London Court Wednesday that she used coke with her late husband John Diamond after he found out he was dying of cancer, and again in July 2010 when she was being “subjected to intimate terrorism” by her ex-hubby, Charles Saatchi.

“I have never been a drug addict. I’ve never been a habitual user. There are two times in my life when I have used cocaine,” said Lawson, 53, who was testifying at the fraud trial of her two former personal assistants, Italian sisters Elisabetta and Francesca Grillo.

The pair allegedly blew through nearly $1 million while living it up on Saatchi’s company credit cards.

Cool! So have I! Where is my page six scandal? I’m about as famous as Nigel Lawrence here.  Look, this is a dumb story but I blogged it to illustrate just how celebrity obsessed we have become.  I know you’re thinking “yeah no shit Loon, dumb fucker” and yes I am…BUT…that used to mean we cared about hollywood a-listers or mega-star musicians…now some no name British Chef has to appear in court and talk about coke and we cover it like it’s where Kim Kardashian is getting married.  It’s in Versaille by the way, just so you know.

P.S. Last sentence in the blurb I quoted is so NY Post

P.P.S. Doing coke 7 times is not doing coke, that’s dabbling, call me when you drive into Manhattan at 4 am after running out of the coke you bought in Manhattan at midnight

P.P.P.S. No more

So Nate Reveals His Face…And Sadly His Voice On KFC Radio

December 4, 2013

Not Allowed Near Playgrounds

So on this week’s episode of KFC Radio Nate from Barstool DMV (D.C. Maryland Virginia) finally showed the stoolies what he looks like.  Also, what he sounds like.  Which is something like this…

So the Stool has a Lois Griffin sounding mother fucker on staff…if they hire me then they’ll have a whiskey and cigarette voiced idiot on staff…Lois and Mac’s Mom!!! We could fight crime and scare away girls!

P.S. That 7:41 on the top picture is as far as I could get before I couldn’t take Nate’s voice anymore…good writer and funny dude…but jesus

Mother Of Dragons In Talks To Play The Mother Of John Connor

December 4, 2013



Deadline:  I’m hearing that Paramount and director Alan Taylor are looking closely at Emilia Clarke and Brie Larson to play the role of Sarah Connor in the Terminator reboot that is being assembled for a July, 2015 release. Both actresses have tested for the producers, and they are the frontrunners. I have heard that Clarke has an edge, and that would not be surprising. Before Taylor helmed Thor: The Dark World, he directed Clarke in HBO’s Game Of Thrones. She, of course, plays the unforgettable dragon-commanding heroine Daenerys Targaryen in that massive HBO series, and has demonstrated the mettle to capably play one of the screen’s most formidable heroines as originated by Linda Hamilton in James Cameron’s first two films in the series.

Brie Larson can fuck right off.  Yes she’s a talented beautiful young actress but this game is so rigged it’s not even funny.  Alan Taylor, if you don’t know, has directed 6 episodes of Game of Thrones and directors like to stick with actors they know.  It’s why Chris Nolan has Michael Cain in every one of his films.  So no offense to Brie (besides my earlier call for her to fuck off) but she has no chance.  If this happens and Clarke gets the part then we will have two Sarah Connors on Game of Thrones.  Lena Headey who plays Cersei on GOT played Sarah Connor on Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles.  So we would be in a unique situation where if GRRM is so inclined we could see a Connor on Connor lesbian sex scene.  I feel like the geek community would drown in cum if that happened.  I’d merely wallow in it.

Some Report On Sex That I Didn’t Understand But Will Write About Anyway

December 4, 2013

walk of shame

The Guardian:  The “walk of shame” is a Sunday morning ritual on college campuses (and sometimes beyond) across the United States: young women, hair matted and still in last night’s skirt and heels, trudge home post-hook-up. It’s a uniquely female ritual, and the term itself evokes a singularly female image.

While men also have to go home after sex, often disheveled and exhausted, there’s no shame attached to their commute. In a culture that imbues sexual activity in women with shame and judgment while applauding sexual prolificacy in men, it will surprise no one that women are more likely than men to report regretting sexual encounters. But according to a new study, it’s not cultural views of female sexuality that saddle women with regret; it’s evolution.

The research team found that college-age women are more likely to regret a one-time sexual encounter, whereas men are more likely to regret not taking a sexual opportunity. Women’s biggest sexual regrets are losing their virginity to the wrong partner, cheating on a partner or moving too fast sexually. Men, on the other hand, regretted not making a move on a potential partner, and a lack of sexual adventurousness in their younger or single days. Similar patterns held among gay men and lesbians – women were more likely to regret sexual activity, while men were more likely to regret chances not taken.

Ok, so if I’m reading this correctly and I’m sure that I’m not, women feel shame after sex because they are evolutionarily designed that way (just used evolution and design in the same sentence, take that everyone on earth with an opinion).   Ok, and this revelation changes what exactly?  These studies are so fucking bogus I’m almost impressed.  The people who research this stuff get massive grants from the government to tell us stuff we either already know or we don’t care about.  So what if the reason women feel ashamed when they have to walk home with one heel on and smeared makeup is because of evolution or the fact that they just had close to blackout sex with some dude who they probably thought was a lot cuter than he really was.  The shame remains the same.  Listen, guys get this too.  We wake up in the morning and want to get you girls on your way home as quickly as possible, not so we can wake up our roommates bump chests and slam breakfasts beers and brag…no…so we can go back to sleep because we realized we didn’t wear a condom and our anxiety is through the roof that we might have caught an STD (we don’t care about pregnancy because most times we’re too drunk to nut).  Yes ladies our mornings after are worse than yours.  Sure you may feel bad about “what will my friends think?” or “will people think I’m a slut?”.  We have to worry about possibly getting needles stuck into our dicks.  Now I know the STD thing goes both ways…I’m just saying it’s literally the FIRST thing that goes through our minds the next morning…and when you’re hungover and that drippy dick anxiety hits you feel like you might have a heart attack…not fun.  So lets not act like women have a monopoly on morning after misery, for either sex the day after a drunk hookup is not pretty.