Some Report On Sex That I Didn’t Understand But Will Write About Anyway

walk of shame

The Guardian:  The “walk of shame” is a Sunday morning ritual on college campuses (and sometimes beyond) across the United States: young women, hair matted and still in last night’s skirt and heels, trudge home post-hook-up. It’s a uniquely female ritual, and the term itself evokes a singularly female image.

While men also have to go home after sex, often disheveled and exhausted, there’s no shame attached to their commute. In a culture that imbues sexual activity in women with shame and judgment while applauding sexual prolificacy in men, it will surprise no one that women are more likely than men to report regretting sexual encounters. But according to a new study, it’s not cultural views of female sexuality that saddle women with regret; it’s evolution.

The research team found that college-age women are more likely to regret a one-time sexual encounter, whereas men are more likely to regret not taking a sexual opportunity. Women’s biggest sexual regrets are losing their virginity to the wrong partner, cheating on a partner or moving too fast sexually. Men, on the other hand, regretted not making a move on a potential partner, and a lack of sexual adventurousness in their younger or single days. Similar patterns held among gay men and lesbians – women were more likely to regret sexual activity, while men were more likely to regret chances not taken.

Ok, so if I’m reading this correctly and I’m sure that I’m not, women feel shame after sex because they are evolutionarily designed that way (just used evolution and design in the same sentence, take that everyone on earth with an opinion).   Ok, and this revelation changes what exactly?  These studies are so fucking bogus I’m almost impressed.  The people who research this stuff get massive grants from the government to tell us stuff we either already know or we don’t care about.  So what if the reason women feel ashamed when they have to walk home with one heel on and smeared makeup is because of evolution or the fact that they just had close to blackout sex with some dude who they probably thought was a lot cuter than he really was.  The shame remains the same.  Listen, guys get this too.  We wake up in the morning and want to get you girls on your way home as quickly as possible, not so we can wake up our roommates bump chests and slam breakfasts beers and brag…no…so we can go back to sleep because we realized we didn’t wear a condom and our anxiety is through the roof that we might have caught an STD (we don’t care about pregnancy because most times we’re too drunk to nut).  Yes ladies our mornings after are worse than yours.  Sure you may feel bad about “what will my friends think?” or “will people think I’m a slut?”.  We have to worry about possibly getting needles stuck into our dicks.  Now I know the STD thing goes both ways…I’m just saying it’s literally the FIRST thing that goes through our minds the next morning…and when you’re hungover and that drippy dick anxiety hits you feel like you might have a heart attack…not fun.  So lets not act like women have a monopoly on morning after misery, for either sex the day after a drunk hookup is not pretty.

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