2,000 Mice Dropped On Guam To Kill Snakes

mouse

 

NBCNews:  They floated down from the sky Sunday — 2,000 mice, wafting on tiny cardboard parachutes over Andersen Air Force Base in the U.S. territory of Guam.

But the rodent commandos didn’t know they were on a mission: to help eradicate the brown tree snake, an invasive species that has caused millions of dollars in wildlife and commercial losses since it arrived a few decades ago.

That’s because they were dead. And pumped full of painkillers.

I am blogging this article for a couple reasons…for 1 the headline is misleading as hell.  I thought they were dropping badass snake killing super mice on Guam to do battle with their vicious snake enemies.  Had all these visions of them with little helmets on and maybe some razor sharp claws surgically fused to their paws.  Nope, we threw a bunch of dead drugged up rats out of a plane.  Ok, not really sure why they needed the parachutes if they were dead but I digress.  The main reason I blogged this is because this story had so many twists and turns.  I did not see the being dead and full of painkillers thing coming, just totally caught me off guard.  I let out an audible gasp when I read that.  Now we know with any good news story you want to do what they call “bury the lead” meaning you don’t want to give your reader all the vital information at the beginning, you want to string them along and hope they get bored and stop reading before they get to the meat of the story.  It’s journalism 101 really.  So now I know the mice are dead and full of painkillers, naturally I expect to find out why this is in the next paragraph.  Well sadly this was not the case, the writer rambled on about how much money we spend trying to protect native birds and blah blah all the while leaving the dead drugged mouse cliffhanger sitting there.   “WHY THE FUCK DID YOU THROW DEAD DRUGGED UP MICE OUT OF A PLANE!!!” I yelled scaring nobody because I am sad and alone.  Well I was about to get my answer…

But brown tree snakes have an Achilles’ heel: Tylenol.

For some reason, the snakes are almost uniquely sensitive to acetaminophen, the active ingredient in the ubiquitous over-the-counter painkiller. If you can get a tree snake to eat just 80 milligrams, you can kill it. That’s only about one-sixth of a standard pill — pigs, dogs and other similarly sized animals would have to eat about 500 of them to get into any trouble.

Well I’ll be damned!!! Tylenol!! It kills the brown tree snakes and that’s why you drug the mice up with it…”oh man,” I declared after reading this development.  I then stood up from my computer walked into my kitchen and burned myself on the stove to punish myself for reading this entire dumb fuck article.  Love it when I get to the end of something and realize “I really didn’t care at all about that” What started out as a story with so much promise turned into nothing more than tricking a stupid animal into killing itself by eating another stupid animal.  And now I have shared it with you!  YW!

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