I’ll Never Be This Drunk


AP   Police say they charged a Pennsylvania man with public drunkenness after he was seen trying to resuscitate a long-dead opossum along a highway.  State police Trooper Jamie Levier says several witnesses saw 55-year-old Donald Wolfe, of Brookville, near the animal Thursday along Route 36 in Oliver Township, about 65 miles northeast of Pittsburgh.  The trooper says one person saw Wolfe kneeling before the animal and gesturing as though he were conducting a seance. He says another saw Wolfe attempting to give mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

Needless to say I couldn’t find a picture of someone making out with an opossum.  That’s probably because they’re fucking mean sons of bitches that usually carry rabies.  Most people would sooner put a bullet in em than even think about lending a helping hand…but not Donny Wolfe.  This guy sees an animal in distress he springs into action.  The police can bullshit all they want, but if they hadn’t shown up and stopped Donny he probably would have saved the day.  He was going through the normal resuscitation procedures, mouth-to-mouth, then séance, if they had let him get around to spirit dancing and wailing at the moon we would have a happy and healthy rodent running around the PA woods.  One more example of the police jumping the gun and someone losing their life as a result…shameful.

P.S.  He was probably just going to fuck it huh?

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