3 out of 10 People In Chicago Are Virgins


ChicagoTribune  Three out of 10 people said they’d give up sex for a year rather than give up their mobile phones, a recent online survey of Chicago residents has found.  Asked which they’d prefer — sex or keeping their cell phone — 36 percent of women interviewed and 15 percent of the men selected the phone.


Ok, the people who chose the phone have never been laid.  That’s all this survey is telling me.  Nobody would chose a phone over a night of drunken sloppy regret filled sex.  Even the worst one night romps of my life are better than any friends and family plan verizon can give me.  I don’t care about unlimited texts, give me a shady back alley hooker and a handful of rubbers and a bottle of hydrogen peroxide anyday.  This kind of survey can be very damaging to the moral of a city, so I have some homework for Chicago.  Go out and fuck somebody today, it doesn’t matter who but apparently 30% of your city have their faces buried in a cell phone when they should have their faces buried in something else.  No wonder you guys didn’t get the olympics.


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